Last summer I was on a good track to losing weight. I found my fire and my passion for doing this. I found my “want”. Then, seasons changed and I found myself getting entrenched in back-to-school season for the kids. The holidays were also just around the corner. Didn’t want to be tied down by pesky diets and “health” foods. Old habits came back, new — worse habits were formed and now i’m back here. Not quite square one but the beginning nonetheless.
I managed to maintain my loss for the most part — only gaining back a couple of pounds. I’m starting to realize that this weight loss thing isn’t a straight arrow path from A to B. At least it isn’t for me.
I didn’t forget about this blog. Didn’t forget about my goals or my purpose for wanting to lose weight to begin with. Life just got in the way. Rather, I let life get in the way because it is easier to concentrate on the kids and work on the superficial things rather than get down to the nitty gritty of the issue.
I am back here because I know that I am not doing myself any favors by putting this off. I DO “want” to lose weight but can also admit that by starting this journey, I know that i’ll need to face some inner demons in order to get this to stick and for me to be successful.
Today is the first day back on plan. I decided to get on the Weight Watchers bandwagon. This is my 4th stint with WW but I am determined to do right by myself this time. I am determined to stick with this and see some results. I am also determined to go to at least one meeting a week. I love people most of the time, but putting myself in a large group setting with a bunch of strangers is not my idea of a good time. I’m introverted in that way. Still… i’ve gotta do what i’ve gotta do, right?
Of course, part of the problem for me is not that I am not smart enough or deserving enough to lose weight. I’m totally smart and deserving of this and I know that I can do this. If there’s one thing I have worked on this year… is that i’ve learned to love and accept myself — flaws and all. No, you see for me it’s a control issue. By giving myself to this process I feel like I am losing a bit of control. I feel like I am losing a bit of freedom to eat whatever the hell I want, when I want.
You see, these old habits and new habits are putting up a fight within me. I am determined to change them. I know that I need to write down exactly “how” I plan to change them… and maybe I will have to do it one at a time until it becomes habit.
Today and every day after today this is me:
Getting back to Moving Forward