I haven’t posted for almost a year! Wow. So much for getting back on the wagon for weight loss and writing, eh?
I’m not gonna lie, over the past year my thoughts and energies have not been on losing weight or getting healthy. I mean, I have thought about my weight. Shoot, I think about it every single day. Some days I feel inspired to lose weight, while other days I feel apathetic toward my weight as other issues or life happenings seemed bigger, more exciting or more stressful.
I can tell you that over the past year among other things, I have found new passions: making jewelry, makeup artistry and writing stories. I’m sure at some point, i’ll add those things to this blog. I mean, Shaping up Fabulous can be so many things, right?
I digress. I was so invested in my health for 3 years – well, off and on but mostly on. I was proud because I lost 37lbs. You would think that 37lbs would feel amazing and it kind of did but it didn’t feel like enough.
Now, i’m not going to tell you that I weighed my food and counted every calorie of every morsel to hit my mouth in those 3 years. A lot of the time I did — but mostly I was just mindful. Ironically, when I was killing it in the gym every day and counting every calorie to hit my mouth, my weight loss was so freaking slow. I got incredibly frustrated because I felt like the work didn’t amount to what I thought it should. It is so easy to gain the weight and so hard to lose it. When you think about it, that’s not fair really. Toward the end of my 3-year mindful stint, I started lowering the amount of carbs I was eating and wallah! I lost 10lbs in the first couple of weeks. One would think that would be motivating enough to change dietary directions and go for the gusto.
Friends, it was then that something new hit my consciousness horizon. I got a new job! Nay, not just a job — a career. The thing that I had worked so hard for in getting my college degree! I was excited, apprehensive and maybe also suffered from impostor syndrome and anxiety a little bit. After many Google searches, I have learned that this impostor syndrome thing is normal — or so i’ve read.
The decision to leave my former company was not an easy one. I had been so blessed to work with, be mentored and befriended by so many amazing people! I’m talking talented people, who are good down to the soul and people who I respected so much. When I left that job, I grieved for awhile. I didn’t even know that I was grieving until a good friend pointed it out to me. I didn’t know that people actually grieved former jobs until I Googled and came across various articles explaining things. I Google a lot, folks. A lot.
I was a bridesmaid in two weddings last year! I felt honored to have been asked to stand beside two women who I love so much — my cousin and now sister-in-law! With all of the excitement of weddings, a new job (while grieving for the old one), impostor syndrome, anxiety, etc. I willingly forgot about my quest to get to better health. It felt so far away from me, even though up until November of last year, I had been mindfully in it. For the first time in my life, hopelessness crept its way into my heart. The future felt bright but the weight seemed like a hopeless uphill battle. It was that feeling I held on to for the last 9 months. I felt apathy and hopelessness and I gained it all back; every pound I had struggled to lose. You would think that I would have panicked a bit or something. Actually, at the time I felt like weight loss was one giant struggle. Intangible. Something that only the lucky can attain.
Over Christmas I started to wake up a little from this slump. I began to feel some hope in my heart that I can change this course for my health. I also began to worry. There have been more than a few moments during all of this where I had to ask myself — what is it gonna take to change and I mean, really change; commit to a healthier lifestyle and put my chips all in?
I found a Low-Carb High Fat Facebook group. The transformation posts are encouraging and the people seem supportive overall. So I figure, hey why not? I tried the low-carb thing once upon a time and was pretty successful on it (lost 70lbs). It was my most successful diet to date. Of course, that was the before times — before a husband and kids. It was just me and well, I had nothing better to concentrate on than myself. It felt easy and painless at the time.
So, this is where I have found myself. Today, is officially Day 1. I am still tracking via My Fitness Pal as I have learned that keeping track of things is the way to go. I want this. I have come to realize in my 36 years of life on this planet that there is always a cosmic system of checks and balances in play. To get what you want, you have to sacrifice something else. The question becomes, is what you want truly worth the sacrifice? In my case, I believe it is.