I stayed up late last night watching The Walking Dead. I had to. I mean, it’s The Walking Dead. I was not gonna to miss it. I told myself I would go to bed right after the show was over. The episode was so good that I ended up watching The Talking Dead. You know how that goes.
Anyway, my head hit the pillow at around 11:30. I was sort of analyzing the latest Walking Dead episode, so I found it hard to get to sleep. I did finally get to sleep but 5am crept up and slapped the crap out of me. I got out of bed, got my workout clothes on and made my way to the gym. It’s been my morning routine for the past two weeks and i’ve been trying like hell to make it stick. 21 days to make something a habit, right? Up to this point, every morning I’ve been motivated, excited, and hungry for weight loss success.
Today however, I dragged myself to the gym. I wasn’t motivated. I was tired. I didn’t want to work out. I wanted to go back to sleep. BUT… instead of whining about it (which I totally could have done because I was in a very tired and cranky mood), I did what I had to do. But, while I was doing it, I was clock-watching on my exercise bike. Every 5 minutes seemed to drag by. I waited for that euphoria to kick in. It didn’t.
At the end of my session, I felt satisfied. I made it 40 minutes (kicked up 2 minutes from last week), I burned 377 calories, I completed my morning mission. But, I didn’t feel that giddy euphoria like I had felt in the weeks before. I was just glad it was over. I was glad I followed through.
As I left the gym, I found myself questioning my shitty attitude this morning. Well, what I considered to be shitty anyway. Last week and the week before, I was practically punching the air and moving my feet like freakin’ Rocky after every work out. Every morning for the last 2 weeks, I would find some motivation as I headed out to the gym. A great song would come on the radio and i’d be totally pumped out for my workout session. In the middle of my workout sessions some favorite songs would come on and I would sail through that portion of the workout. All of this totally inspired motivation was missing this morning.
I have to say, my lack of enthusiasm worried me.
You see, I have been praying for motivation every morning. I’ve been praying to God to help me on this journey. I am literally putting this worry and this weight in his hands. But this morning, I lacked excitement and inspiration. It took me a moment to realize that while I may have lacked excitement and motivation because I was tired, I was still motivated.
My prayers were answered. I still got up. I still worked out. I made it the extra two-minutes that I put into my time this morning. Before I walked into the gym, I gave myself a pep-talk. “You got this, girl.” All throughout the workout I kept telling myself, “You got this.”, “You can do this.”, “Only 25 minutes to go.”, “You’ve already been doing this for 30 minutes, you can totally last 10 more minutes”. And so on and so forth. I’m changing the conversation that is happening in my brain. I am pushing myself because I know that I can do it.
Lack of excitement does not mean lack of motivation or lack of follow-through. Because, I did it. I got it done. I didn’t even question it. I may not have been feeling it… but what’s that even mean anyway? In the grand scheme of things, I know that this journey isn’t about “want” it’s about “need”. I need to do this. My family needs me to do this. That’s where the motivation comes from.
When working out, do you ever feel like you are just going through the motions or do you feel invested and enthusiastic every single time?